Universal Resume Translator

"I know how to deal with stressful situations":
I'm currently on long term Prozac treatments.

"I am able to take the time to interact well":
I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.

"I have strong communication skills":
I talk too much.

"I'm proud of my organizational skills":
I love to tell other people what to do.

"I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization":
I've used Microsoft Office some.

"I'm honest, hard-working and dependable":
I only pilfer office supplies.

"My pertinent work experience includes":
To say nothing of all the McJobs I've had.

"I take pride in my work":
I blame others for my mistakes.

"I'm balanced and centered":
I keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.

"I have a good sense of humor":
I know a lot of corny, old jokes and tell them badly.

"I'm personable and interested in others":
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

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