TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY

SICKNESS:
No excuses. We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

AN OPERATION:
We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation. We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.

YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as we feel it is your duty to train your replacement.

ALSO:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:15, and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again. We appreciate your
cooperation,

THE MANAGEMENT

Understanding Your Paycheck
Gross pay: $1222.02

Income Tax       Outgo Tax          State Tax          Interstate Tax
244.40                45.21                 61.10                 5.89

County Tax       City Tax              Rural Tax          Back Tax
6.11                   12.22                   4.44                  1.11

Front Tax          Side Tax             Up Tax             Down Tax
1.16                   1.61                      2.22                 1.11

Tic-Tacs            Thumbtacks      Carpet Tacks  Stadium Tax
1.98                    3.98                    0.98                   0.69

Flat Tax             Surtax                 Ma'am Tax      Parking Fee
8.32                    3.46                     2.60                  5.00

No Pkg Fee      F.I.C.A.               T.G.I.F.              Life Ins.
10.00                  81.88                  9.95                   5.85

Health Ins.          Disability           Ability                Liability Ins.
16.23                   2.50                   0.25                   3.41

Dental Ins.          Mental Ins.        Reassurance   Coffee
4.50                     4.33                   0.11                   6.85

Coffee Cups      Calendar           Floor Rental     Chair Rental
66.51                   3.06                  16.85                  0.32

Desk Rental       Union Dues     Union Don'ts    Cash Advances
4.32                     5.85                   3.77                   0.69

Cash Retreats   Overtime          Undertime          Eastern Time
121.35                 1.26                  54.83                  9.00

Central Time      Mntn Time        Pacific Time     GMT
8.00                     7.00                   6.00                    24.00

Bath Time           Time Out          Oxygen               Water
4.44                      12.21                10.02                  16.54

Electricity            Heat                  Air                      Misc
38.23                   51.42                46.83                 144.38

Take Home Pay: $0000.02

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